Saturday, April 18, 2015

Sharkbate the Shark and His Obnoxious and Quite Surprisingly Annoying Reviews: It Never Ends

      Hey guys, Storm here. Today I am going to review something. Not a party, but a song. For this type of media, I have a new thingymabobber that I will use specifically when reviewing movies and music. TV has another name. Well, now that that's out of the way, let's get to the point. Today I am going to review a song by Bring Me The Horizon. Not the crappy Bring Me The Horizon, but the cool one with death metal and crap. The song I review today is called "It Never Ends."
     The main point of this song is that this guy from the band has a girlfriend that won't leave him alone and is probably wasting minutes and texts on her phone because she won't leave him alone as I type and you read. The song is pretty fun, except for a few parts that feel out of place. For example, that boring part where just normal not death metal music plays for about 20-30 seconds. What's the point? Is he dying? There is no indication.
     Also, there's the music video. The music video makes no sense whatsoever and has pretty much nothing to do with the song. Let's see, shall we? This guy is in an ambulance and he's dying. He's losing blood fast, and he needs to get to a hospital. In that note, the ambulance is also chased by a bunch of pointless zombies. LOTS TO DO WITH THE SONG, EPITAPH! (That was sarcastic, but you couldn't tell, unless you have physic powers because I am typing and I cannot add any tone to words that are written). Then the nurse sees the zombies chasing the ambulance and calls up the mummy driving the ambulance instead of, oh, I don't know, TALKING TO HIM, and tells mummyface to lose the zombies. Next thing I know, the guy with like no blood is standing on the roof screaming. Also, it's day. Wasn't it just night 2 seconds ago? Won't it just be night in 2 seconds? Yep. 2 seconds later, the guy is back inside the ambulance talking to the nurse. Oh, now he's on the roof again. Oh, he's flying now. Mummyface is still driving. Oh, back to the flying guy. Oh, now we are back to the main plot with the totally forgotten zombies chasing the ambulance. Oh wait, hold it. They're vampires all of a sudden. And now the guy is flying again. Zombies  Vampires, flying. Vampires, flying. It just goes back and forth for a while. Eventually the nurse cuts open his stomach. Why? Well, good question. Maybe he has that thing where the stomach acid burns through the inside of his stomach. Will we ever find out? NOPE. NEVER. Oh wait, back to flying and a few shots of the zombies vampires that were chasing the ambulance. Oh, look, his kidney! How cool! Someone's removed kidney always looks cool! Oh, kidney out the back window now for some reason. Oh, and now the nurse's stunt double is a zombie vampire as well. Oh, and doesn't the nurse kinda remind anybody of Natasha from the live-action Rocky and Bullwinkle movie? Nobody? It's just me? Okay.
     So the ambulance pulls up to some kind of courthouse hospital from a Ronald Reagan movie some part of something. The doctors get the guy with 1 kidney into the hospital that for some reason has no lights on. Well okey dokey, then, video. Oh, he's flying again.
So then he's in the hospital and the doctors are acting like they have no idea what they are doing, because they don't.
The guy ends up holding his own heart. Then we look at some cliffs and stuff. Oh, and he's flying again!
Okay, I'm done. The vampires are back, and guess what, HE'S FLYING AGAIN! So the zombie vampire thingies try to get in. So he is in pain and the zombies are trying to break in and he wants to die. The zombies break in and guess what? THE VIDEO IS OVER. HOLY CRAP, THAT MADE NO SENSE WHATSOEVER.
Song: 8/10
Video: 2/10
In total, this song and video combined gets a 16% rating. Really, that's it. Until next time, this is Storm being obnoxious and suprisingly annoying. This is Storm, signing off.

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