Forrest Gump Movie Review

 Matt hails this as a classic, so I had to watch it. A review of Forrest Gump (1994) dir. Robert Zemeckis. 

Forrest Gump is about Forrest's relationship with Jenny. Jenny treats Forrest terribly. She leads him on and then leaves. Then she leads him on and leaves. The cycle repeats over and over again. Forrest should wise up. Every time he thinks Jenny is going to surely stay with him this time, he is proven wrong. It would be best to swallow his pride and move on. He should realize the cycle they are stuck in and break out of it. But from Forrest's perspective, he likes Jenny. So why would he give that up? Forrest doesn't realize that his life would be better in the long-term if he foregoes that short-term satisfaction of having Jenny for a little bit. Then I turn around and say all this about myself.

Forrest Gump is a very touching, personal movie. But it is also a very quotable and funny movie. Just doing the Forrest voice is entertaining, much less anything he says like "Somethin bit me!" or "Sorry I ruined your Black Panther party." All the kids in school would say "Run, Forrest, run!" But I think "Something bit me" is funnier. 

 What can be said about Forrest Gump that hasn't already been said? It's a great movie. 8/10.

Spider-Man Brand New Day Movie Review

 Matt wanted to see it, and I like Spider-Man movies sometimes. A review of Spider-Man: Brand New Day (2026) dir. Destin Daniel Cretton.

Do you see the Spider-Man colors in Fantano's outfit?

I haven't seen the last movie in ages, so maybe this is on me, but I felt lost regarding some of the plot beats here. Who is the lady in the hot tub, and who is Frank? Who are The Hand? I don't remember them from No Way Home. I wonder if it's because I haven't seen any of the MCU movies since No Way Home that I'm missing a ton of context? It probably is, and I think that's really dumb. Imagine if you were watching Star Wars and Indiana Jones came in and started talking about the crystal skull. What is he talking about, and what does it have to do with anything? They only do it to guilt trip me into watching the other movies, but I'm not gonna watch 40 other movies to understand some half-baked characters I don't care about.

I think the hot tub lady contributed very little and could have been cut entirely and very little retooling would be needed. I don't give a narp about her. Frank is so annoying, I got frustrated every time he was on screen. He is so one-dimensional. The movie keeps telling me that he's deep and traumatized by his dead family, but I could not be bothered to care when he's such a meathead and a dunce. Not that I should care, cuz it never matters or is explained. He's the real villain. I don't like his New York accent, or his jokes, or his love of guns. I don't like him at all. Frank is the real villain of the movie.

This movie is very blue. 

Peter's personal struggles and his struggles as Spider-Man tie together in an interesting way with the organic webs, but having them already exist in the previous movie really killed a lot of the excitement. And calling attention to it from the previous movie makes it worse. Ruins a lot of the mystery. That's why I don't like multiverse stories. Besides the fact that they are overdone, they cripple a lot of worldbuilding possibilities. Nothing about this world is permanent or consistent anymore, so nothing matters quite so much as it once did. As much as I enjoyed No Way Home, it is not something I have seen after its premiere because its world just doesn't interest me enough to watch again. 

 I like some things about this movie. I really like the house party scene, how the Tame Impala song fades in and out. It's the soundtrack, but it's also what's playing in the scene. I used the same trick to soundtrack Bernstein (2022) dir. AMG. The soundtrack song played when Bernstein is in Casey's is "Successful" by Ariana Grande, but I edited it to show that the same song is what plays in the store. It sounds like convenience store music, but the lyrics also match how Bernstein feels, having captured his victim. The same trick is used in the butter factory scene with "Little Black Angel" by Death in June. I initially thought using the Tame Impala song for a house party would be a little strange, but as the scene went on, it fit more.

I tolerated a lot of the needle drops for this movie. It can't get any worse than the songs they threw in Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014). I don't know how well they will age, but for now, they are fine. I didn't like that Philip Philips song in TASM2 the day it came out, so at least Brand New Day's needle drops pass the immediate sniff test. Also better than Super Mario Bros Movie. 

I always forget there's an X-Men character named Jean Grey, since I don't read or watch X-Men. I only thought of Jean Grae, the rapper. There are a lot of rappers named after Marvel characters, and Jean Grae is another one to add to the list. 

I think Jean Grey's character arc and Peter Parker's character arc line up in an interesting way, but I didn't understand how the two fit together until the end. Maybe I'm just dumb, and I should have seen it from the second she appeared. I think the main message they conclude with is really cute and I like it. The third act twist did not surprise me at all, but I thought it was well done. The Z max reveal, or whatever it was, was a good twist.

Peter's arc with MJ really hit me because I know how hard it is to love somebody I cannot be with. It's a universal experience, so I think a lot of people will relate to that part. Wanting to connect with somebody again after a long time, but being unable to for external reasons, really sucks and it is painful. Peter Parker has more self-control than I do. But the girl I like with is prettier than Zendaya, so it evens out.

Was really hoping Peter would grow extra arms like he did in the cartoon. 4/10

The Sick Mind of EDP445 Movie Review

I really liked the Dark Sad Life of Boogie2988 documentary that Mike Clum put out a few years ago, so I was really hyped for the new doc. A review of The Sick Mind of EDP445 (2026) dir. Mike Clum. 

Content warning, adult topics will be discussed.

This doc has a much more obvious agenda than the Boogie doc. The Boogie doc had a variety of interviews with people to show that, yes, Boogie is a terrible person, but he's not a cartoonish monster. They paint Boogie as a human being. For example, Boogie has the friends from the card shop and Dezi. Boogie isn't a good person, and I don't know what his friends see in him, but I believe they exist. The EDP doc is so absurd that I don't believe his one friend isn't a paid actor. 

I laughed when EDP said he chose the number 445 because he stepped on a scale and saw that number. That was really funny. 

It is also very clear that Mike is painting Jidion as a terrible person as well. No doubt, if what the doc says is true, he is.  

I also question the morality of Mike Clum making this documentary. Sure, he's exposing a predator and showing off how terrible he is, but he's filming therapy sessions and interviewing legit pedophiles for the movie. Then Mike puts kids on the interview couch with EDP for a scene. I know Mike and his crew were observing everything, but what made them think it was a good idea to put the self-confessing pedophile next to little girls for the sake of the movie? Mike is better than Jidion, but that doesn't make him a good person.

A lot of it was power tripping on Mike's part. Getting Wings and Boogie to be in this was a neat callback, but getting Chris Chan and Chris Hansen was really absurd. It's all spectacle.

The meat of the EDP documentary is really fascinating because EDP is a horrible man with absolutely no remorse or standard of morality. He only avoids doing terrible things because he doesn't want to go to jail.

EDP has no motivation to improve himself or make anything better because he has a year or two left to live. He quit therapy, dumped the only woman on earth who could tolerate him, and doesn't do anything to combat the end stage kidney failure. He is the ultimate loser.

I didn't like this one because it doesn't have a lot of stuff the Boogie doc had. It doesn't have much of EDP's day, so I don't get a sense of his daily regular personality like I do with Boogie. It's mostly interviews and re-enactments of the stings, which I don't think he thinks that much about. I did really like the scenes where he has presentation slides and a pointer.

This one was NOT that great, 4/45. 

The Super Mario Galaxy Movie Review

 Claridge wanted to go. A review of The Super Mario Galaxy Movie (2026) featuring stomping... koopas. Spoilers ahead! You have been warned. 

Movie felt like a bunch of references stringed together to make people cheer. The theater went wild when non-Mario Nintendo things appeared like R.O.B. and Fox and Pikmin. Bowser Jr. playing Mario Maker at the end got everyone roaring. That's what this movie was designed for: it's a string of recognizable things for audiences to get hyped over.

As such, the movie feels like a road trip movie with no progression. The whole scene with Wart after the monkey steals Toad's bag is entirely pointless and goes nowhere. It could have easily been taken out and almost nothing would change. The whole baby subplot is another roadblock that doesn't go anywhere or build to anything. They exist because we need to show Super Mario Bros 2 characters and the dinosaur island from Super Mario Odyssey. 

Mario's romance arc with Peach goes nowhere because it never pays off. Mario never asks out Peach like the movie was anticipating from the beginning. The actual denouement to the story lasts about 2 minutes and it needed some time to give this plot element a purpose.

The movie doesn't have an onslaught of 80s pop hits, as the first one did. Instead I spent half the movie listening to Gusty Garden Galaxy. At least the 80s songs were different from each other. I just got bored listening to this score.

The Egg Carrier is not in the movie.

At least Bowser Jr.'s design was pretty cool when he had the mask and the purple paint. Very Super Mario Sunshine of him.

I browse r/tomorrow too much; I saw Shiggy's name in the opening and thought it was a meme. 

Dumb pointless movie. 2/10