Heretic Movie Review

 It was on HBO in the hotel. A review of Heretic (2024) dir. Scott Beck and Bryan Woods.

Greg Graphin'

Why does the psycho killer have to like "Creep" by Radiohead? That song already gets a bad enough rep as it is. It's a good song! 

I disagree with the idea that all religion is about control. Most of them hold us in slavery under control of the law. However, Christianity frees us from the control sin has over us. Christianity demands nothing

 I also don't think "the great prayer experiment" proves or disproves anything. You did a scientific experiment on God's providence and concluded nothing? It's almost like you shouldn't put YHWH to the test. Remember that God gives daily bread to all people, even to all evil people! It's not something you can test scientifically, because God is not a game. He is not a cosmic vending machine. God does not require our prayers; prayer is a response to faith, and he does answer them because he says he does.

 4/10, not surprised Hollywood thinks God is evil but not impressed either.

This Is The End Movie Review

 

Matt, Mario, and Zac wanted to watch This Is The End immediately after my Curious George (2006) watch party.

A review of This Is The End (2013) starring a bunch of Hollywood narcissists.

Last time on Icystorm's Igloo, I watched Oz The Great and Powerful. A 2013 James Franco movie that wasn't very good. This Is The End has all those traits but even more so.

It's more 2013 - the effects look even worse, there's a Gangnam Style scene, dudes are wearing snapbacks... What a nightmare.

It's more James Franco - He's a main character in this movie, playing James Franco. So there's more James Franco than ever before. Most of the movie takes place in his ugly 2013 house.

And it's even more wasn't very good - This Is The End is terrible and not funny. It's a bunch of raunchy garbage for 2 hours. All of the jokes except for a small handful are predictable and, considering the target audience, safe.

The rapture is not Christian doctrine; but since some Christians teach the rapture as doctrine, we can suspend disbelief for the sake of the movie. But getting into heaven by being good, without faith in God, is doctrine that no Christian believes. Such an understanding of salvation paints Christianity the same as all the other faiths, where you trick God into thinking you're good enough for him. If you see this movie as famous atheistic Hollywood elites raised in the Jewish tradition trying to write a movie about a faith they don't believe in, it makes a lot of sense. Jews believe that you are loved by God when you follow his law really well. Christianity teaches that you are loved by God, despite your inability to follow the law, and are saved through faith in Christ's saving work, and not your own works. Nobody in the movie believed in Jesus, and they only used his name in vain the entire time. Yet they got saved anyway because they sacrificed themselves or whatever. It's the most milquetoast pop culture understanding of the rapture you could put on paper.

Their interpretation of heaven is just as uninspired. You walk around on clouds and you can have whatever you want. 72 virgins anyone? You could hand a chimp a crucifix, a piece of paper, and a box of crayons, and ask him to draw heaven. His idea would not only be more interesting, but also likely more accurate. 

This movie is dated, ugly, unfunny, uncreative, and I hate celebrities with every fiber of my being. 1/10

The Super Mario Bros. Movie Review

Christian Mario. Praise God.

Picked up the Mario movie in Lakeville back in June, finally watched it with Logan, Devon, and Ella.

A review of The Super Mario Bros Movie (2023) dir. by the TTG showrunners.

Too much licensed 80s music. It's like listening to Weezer Teal all over again.

Funny enough movie. My favorite part was when Luigi died (or not) (spoilers). Bowser is the best character, Donkey Kong is good too. Most other characters were fine. Most voice actors were good except Mario and Luigi were meh.

It definitely looked and felt like an Illumination movie for what it's worth. It looks a lot smoother this time around, but it's just not my favorite. Peach is Taylor Swift.

I had a good time. 5/10.

Knowing Movie Review

"Then we who are alive, who are left, shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the LORD in the air; and so we shall always be with the LORD." 1 Thessalonians 4:17.

Last movie of the semester, Devon picked Knowing.

A review of Knowing (2009), starring Nicholas Cage.

I've seen a lot of Christian movies, most of them are bad, including Knowing. But Knowing has the audacity to be really fun and interesting. I was on the edge of my seat the whole time. Very tense.

I thought it was really weird. I didn't even realize it was a Biblical allegory until like 90 minutes in. It may be a bit gnostic (heretical) but I think that's more an accident of script wring. Some scenes were really pretty and some had terrible effects. Mixed bag. And Nic Cage is goofy ahh as an actor.

3/10, an absolute blast. I recommend.

Jesus Revolution Movie Review

Jesus Christ by Leon Devenice

I felt bad for missing Jesus Revolution when it was showing in Harmony, and Kalie and Chloe wanted to see it too. Thus, Keri, Kalie, and Chloe went to the movies.

A review of Jesus Revolution (2023).

I almost cried. A popular Christian movie that is actually worth watching. There are 2 big themes. 1, everyone needs Jesus. Even hippies and druggies. God wants ALL PEOPLE to come to him. 2, God is the acting agent in the church. When church becomes about the preacher and not Jesus, you've lost sight.

And they actually proclaimed the gospel in the movie! Jesus isn't a tool we pull out when we need a personal boost in life, he's the king who died to save sinners.

6/10, really well done film.

The Mummy Movie Review

The Pharaoh goes shopping at Barnes and Noble.

So I'm at Fosse's house in Cedar Rapids and we watched The Mummy. It's one of his favorites.

A review of The Mummy (1999) starring Brendan Fraser.

Really good animation. Granted, we watched it on Apple TV so it could look better....

Mummy man is super cool. He does a ton of sick tricks. I don't know why he stole the dude's eyes at the beginning though. That doesn't make much sense. But they got the 10 plagues out of order. The river turning to blood is supposed to come BEFORE the locusts.

And are we really surprised that the villain is a stereotypical French guy?

5/10, pretty entertaining watch. 

Titanic Movie Review

The Titanic carries the first shipment of wok to the United States of Poland, under the command of Captain Yachty.

Anna invited me to a Titanic watch party because Kalie and I had never seen it.

A review of Titanic (the James Cameron one).

Movie looks really expensive and has really good visual clarity.

Putting naked people in the movie is a bit cringe, but the preacher on the ship read Revelation 21 (the best chapter in the whole Bible) which kinda made up for it.

7/10.

If the Titanic sunk today, what song do you think the band would play? "Down With the Ship"? "Break the Ice"? "Ocean Song"?