Sunday, December 3, 2023

This Is The End Movie Review


Matt, Mario, and Zac wanted to watch This Is The End immediately after my Curious George (2006) watch party.

A review of This Is The End (2013) starring a bunch of Hollywood narcissists.

Last time on Icystorm's Igloo, I watched Oz The Great and Powerful. A 2013 James Franco movie that wasn't very good. This Is The End has all those traits but even more so.

It's more 2013 - the effects look even worse, there's a Gangnam Style scene, dudes are wearing snapbacks... What a nightmare.

It's more James Franco - He's a main character in this movie, playing James Franco. So there's more James Franco than ever before. Most of the movie takes place in his ugly 2013 house.

And it's even more wasn't very good - This Is The End is terrible and not funny. It's a bunch of raunchy garbage for 2 hours. All of the jokes except for a small handful are predictable and, considering the target audience, safe.

The rapture is not Christian doctrine; but since some Christians teach the rapture as doctrine, we can suspend disbelief for the sake of the movie. But getting into heaven by being good, without faith in God, is doctrine that no Christian believes. Such an understanding of salvation paints Christianity the same as all the other faiths, where you trick God into thinking you're good enough for him. If you see this movie as famous atheistic Hollywood elites raised in the Jewish tradition trying to write a movie about a faith they don't believe in, it makes a lot of sense. Jews believe that you are loved by God when you follow his law really well. Christianity teaches that you are loved by God, despite your inability to follow the law, and are saved through faith in Christ's saving work, and not your own works. Nobody in the movie believed in Jesus, and they only used his name in vain the entire time. Yet they got saved anyway because they sacrificed themselves or whatever. It's the most milquetoast pop culture understanding of the rapture you could put on paper.

Their interpretation of heaven is just as uninspired. You walk around on clouds and you can have whatever you want. 72 virgins anyone? You could hand a chimp a crucifix, a piece of paper, and a box of crayons, and ask him to draw heaven. His idea would not only be more interesting, but also likely more accurate. 

This movie is dated, ugly, unfunny, uncreative, and I hate celebrities with every fiber of my being. 1/10

Saturday, October 21, 2023

Oz the Great and Powerful Movie Review


James Franco as the Wiz

Ponyboy wanted to watch it and it was a few dollars. Why not. A review of Oz the Great and Powerful (2013) starring James Franco.

I think the theme of this movie is that religion is a lie but still a good thing. Which, is a pretty lukewarm take to have. It could also be that you can do anything if you try hard enough and meditate on it long enough, which is also a lukewarm take. Both of them are wrong.

The wicked witch of the west has pretty bizarre motivation. Even after finding out her sister is lying, she still sides with her instead of, like, killing her. I would just kill my sister if she turned me green forever.

The effects this movie were generally pretty ugly. Monkey guy looked terrible. China doll looked bad too. When the witch turned green, it looked like Son of the Mask. Very fake and worse than how The Wizard of Oz looked 75 years earlier. Not surprised nor impressed with Disney.
James Franco with a mustache just looks like Rusty Cage. I thought he was gonna build a big guillotine to execute the witch. That never happened though.

Can't believe this is real. 3/10

Monday, October 16, 2023

Darkman Movie Review

"If you want a dude who wear a mask all day...." MF DOOM by Amar Stewart

Since Evil Dead 2 was so fun, I was in the mood for another Raimi movie. So the Pony and I picked up Darkman.

A review of Darkman (1990) starring the guy from the Cherry Bomb cover (do NOT research!).

This movie was a lot like Spider-Man 2 in a lot of ways. Dude literally gets his lab destroyed, his life is ruined, but he rebuilds his lab to rebuild his life and get vengeance. Sound familiar? I think the biggest contribution to the similarity is Danny Elfman's score. This is the most prominent movie score I've ever heard, and it sounded so much like the Spider-Man movies. It was good.

But this movie still stands as a very different project from the Spider-Man movies. Peyton's character throughout the movie is shocking at times. It's refreshing to see an action movie where the hero is evil as well. He just happens to be less evil than the guys he's fighting. The very ending was shocking. The last ten seconds especially.... that was wild. I really wish I had a pink elephant.

6/10, I'm bringing this one to Canada.

Saturday, October 14, 2023

Evil Dead 2 Movie Review

Ash flies a baguette plane.

This is it. Evil Dead 2 is the pinnacle of Raimi movies. It's campy, creative, seemingly low budget, and it has Bruce Campbell in it.

It's wild that this whole movie only exists to promote Eminem records that won't be out for a while. For real, the main characters sing "Mockingbird" multiple times. And then at the end Ash ends up at a "Castle." And all the chainsaw massacre-ing is quite reminiscent of Relapse. They were putting a lot of faith in Marshall there to deliver on his records.

The camera work and effects are really creative. I loved the stop motion of all the deadites. Especially Linda's animation at the beginning and Henrietta's animation at the end look amazing. And I have no idea how they did the tree grabbing Ash at the very end. That was wild to watch.

I'd never seen this movie, but I have played Evil Dead: Hail to the King on Sega Dreamcast. So half the time I was watching Evil Dead 2, I was just thinking about how this scene looks in the game.

6/10. Very fun movie. Would 100% watch with a horror fan during Halloween season.

Saturday, September 23, 2023

Sunday, September 10, 2023

Barbie (2023) Movie Review

Kanye West and Kim Kardashian West getting married in Barbie World

I had a Saturday off a while back, so me and some camp besties went to the mall.

A review of Barbie (2023) starring Margot Robbie and Alex Nelson.

At first this movie seems like it exists to promote the tired neolib talking points that Shoe0nHead and those types were late to the party debunking in 2016. Then a few days later I kicked my deficient chimp brain into gear and realized that merely saying "patriarchy" a ton doesn't automatically mean you want to install a matriarchy. It's actually quite the opposite. Barbie Land sucks at the beginning. The whole world is so shallow and one note. Then the Kens install a patriarchy and just about everyone is better off. Everyone who dislikes Ken's society is mean and manipulative. People tearing down Ken's patriarchy are literally the bad guys.

This movie misunderstands Platonic philosophy. Barbie Land is the world of forms; all Barbie particulars in the real world reflect the form that exists in Barbie Land. Which is why Ken's Mojo Dojo becomes a product in real life after he builds it in Barbie Land. It's how the toys exist in the first place. Each Barbie doll is based on the form in Barbie Land. Forms cannot be influenced by the particulars. Yet the movie flip flops on this.

Weird Barbie should not be affected by the condition of a particular doll in the real world. Because who is to say that one particular doll influences the state of its form? Why not the million other identical particulars? Even more, the shadows cannot influence the forms. But in this movie they do. Barbie gets depressed because the mom was drawing her depressed. The perception of a shadow of a particular cannot change the particular itself, much less its form. This is the inciting incident of the movie.

There was some crass humor which was kinda mid. Soundtrack was pretty good though. Lizzo, Dua Lipa, Charli XCX, and Matchbox Twenty was an important part of the story, and the Ken song, they all go hard. Ava Max still sucks, but you can't win em all.

Movie was a mixed bag. It mostly makes me want to watch the animated Barbie movies that Anna Hoier has wanted me to watch for the past 2 years.

4/10, should've gotten Sam Raimi to direct.

Saturday, September 9, 2023

American Psycho Movie Review


There's a train going by. This movie missed it.

A review of American Psycho starring Christian Bale.

This is supposed to be an American classic?

1/10. Would not recommend.

Friday, September 1, 2023

The Super Mario Bros. Movie Review

Christian Mario. Praise God.

Picked up the Mario movie in Lakeville back in June, finally watched it with Logan, Devon, and Ella.

A review of The Super Mario Bros Movie (2023) dir. by the TTG showrunners.

Too much licensed 80s music. It's like listening to Weezer Teal all over again.

Funny enough movie. My favorite part was when Luigi died (or not) (spoilers). Bowser is the best character, Donkey Kong is good too. Most other characters were fine. Most voice actors were good except Mario and Luigi were meh.

It definitely looked and felt like an Illumination movie for what it's worth. It looks a lot smoother this time around, but it's just not my favorite. Peach is Taylor Swift.

I had a good time. 5/10.

Friday, May 12, 2023


 When I was young, I had a hard time making out what Kesha’s Animal is supposed to be. What Platonic form this album supposed to fulfill, if you may. I’ve been listening to the first 2 Kesha albums since I was a little kid, and Warrior clicked with me instantly as I dove into it in my room one spring 2016 evening. But Animal was always different. Animal is harsh with loud bleeps and bloops everywhere that almost seem overwhelming when paired with her braggadocious persona. That’s why when I wrote this video originally in summer 2018, I wrote a 5,200 word hit piece against what this album has to offer. Instrumentation was described as, “just electronic beeping noises” with “annoying electronic noises all thrown together at once.” The lyrics are subject to my critique as well, so that I critique TiK ToK for… using poetic imagery? And I clearly dislike a highlight of Kiss N Tell’s identity. I even described the production on the record with this phrase: “This part has enough autotune to be too noticeable, but it doesn’t have enough autotune to be artistic or stylistic, or anything other than a distraction.” And I think today I see the album in a very different light. Albeit a bit dated, Animal is a well-constructed product that’s rife with a unique, appealing sense of character. When I first listened to this as a soundtrack to grade school homework, I went in with the mindset this album was as universal as Warrior was. It isn’t; and that's okay! Animal tends to work best as driving music, or party music. But that isn’t a problem with the art. Albums like Animal are aiming to be really clever with how it meets the needs of those specific scenarios. As it caters to a loud environment, this type of project lives and dies by its character. For this album to do well, it needs to stand out with all boldness and confidence. And I’m happy to report that Animal passes with flying colors. Kesha followed in the tradition of Britney Spears’ Blackout by reveling in modern synth sounds and effects. Instruments like electric guitars are present, but you have to dig if you want to find them. But Kesha never comes off as a mere modernist who uses synths because it’s popular to do in the landscape of the late 2000s. Her character basks in the artificiality of the world she builds for herself. That world is reflected in the sounds of the album. That’s why the guitars are much clearer on serious songs like Blind and Dancing With Tears In My Eyes. This album may be known for its fun party girl songs like Take it Off, Boots N Boys, and Backstabber, but it doesn’t maintain that illusion the whole time. Sometimes a glimmer of reality peaks through. Whether you’re listening to a party song or a sad song, Animal is incredibly attractive. Vocal performances are on point, and production sounds more lush and deep than you might initially anticipate. Take it Off is probably the best example. It builds such a fun, yet grimy atmosphere that’s just about impossible for anyone except Kesha herself to match. When I was a kid, I didn’t appreciate Animal, but now I see it in a new light. Animal is a creative and fun album that goes deeper than the party persona it puts on.

Wednesday, May 3, 2023

Knowing Movie Review

"Then we who are alive, who are left, shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the LORD in the air; and so we shall always be with the LORD." 1 Thessalonians 4:17.

Last movie of the semester, Devon picked Knowing.

A review of Knowing (2009), starring Nicholas Cage.

I've seen a lot of Christian movies, most of them are bad, including Knowing. But Knowing has the audacity to be really fun and interesting. I was on the edge of my seat the whole time. Very tense.

I thought it was really weird. I didn't even realize it was a Biblical allegory until like 90 minutes in. It may be a bit gnostic (heretical) but I think that's more an accident of script wring. Some scenes were really pretty and some had terrible effects. Mixed bag. And Nic Cage is goofy ahh as an actor.

3/10, an absolute blast. I recommend.

Saturday, April 29, 2023

Inception Movie Review

Fosse wanted to watch Maze Runner, but he couldn't access his iTunes library. So Fosse, Philip and I watched Inception. And then I watched it again with Aarin right after. At 5am, I've seen it twice today.
A review of Inception (2010).

This movie ruined my day. It wrecked my brain more than Mud. I don't know what it means but I know it's too smart for me. It made me really mad, especially the second time, how all the pieces fit together so well. I only found 1 or 2 minor plot holes, and I like the movie enough that I really don't even care. Maybe most creative movie I've seen in my life, as far as story goes.


Sunday, April 9, 2023

Prince of Persia: Sands of Time Movie Review

This goes hard.

Prince of Persia is one of my favorite game series, especially Sands of Time on GameCube. I found the movie for $3 at PawnAmerica and we watched it.

A review of Prince of Persia Sands of Time (2010) starring Jake Gyllenhaal and a girl that looks kinda like Kesha.

Pretty standard action movie. Like a lot of Disney movies, the CGI did not blend well with the scenery. Looked fake. Just because it's based on a game from 2003 doesn't mean it should look like one.

As most movies with time travel, it has some time related plot holes. It's not a big deal if you don't think too much.

It's funny cuz Jake Gyllenhaal does NOT look Persian at all. Kesha doesn't either. Alfred Molina somehow does, though?

3/10, it was just okay.

Friday, April 7, 2023

Scoob Movie Review

Fillmore County Journal after I watch Scoob.

A review of Scoob (2020).

I love Scooby Doo. I tried to convince Devon and Esther to watch Scoob with me this past week and we watched Wreck It Ralph instead. That was probably the right choice. Me and Pony just suffered through Scoob.

This isn't really a Scooby Doo story. You could replace the Scooby characters with entirely new characters and nothing would change. I thought Wreck It Ralph had some forced references, but at least they are video game related.

What does Simon Cowell have to do with Scooby Doo? The Mystery Gang takes a back seat to other Hanna Barbera characters I don't care about. And Ruth Bader Ginsburg. And Wonder Woman. And IKEA. It feels so forced. This movie isn't fun or funny.


Saturday, April 1, 2023

Jesus Revolution Movie Review

Jesus Christ by Leon Devenice

I felt bad for missing Jesus Revolution when it was showing in Harmony, and Kalie and Chloe wanted to see it too. Thus, Keri, Kalie, and Chloe went to the movies.

A review of Jesus Revolution (2023).

I almost cried. A popular Christian movie that is actually worth watching. There are 2 big themes. 1, everyone needs Jesus. Even hippies and druggies. God wants ALL PEOPLE to come to him. 2, God is the acting agent in the church. When church becomes about the preacher and not Jesus, you've lost sight.

And they actually proclaimed the gospel in the movie! Jesus isn't a tool we pull out when we need a personal boost in life, he's the king who died to save sinners.

6/10, really well done film.

Lexie, Hit Me With Your Prius REVIEW

Lexie, Hit Me With Your Prius may seem at first glance to be another low-effort meme rap project from JBK$R. The more you dig into it, though, the more obvious it becomes that this album is complex and well planned. The biggest thing about this album is that it seems confusing. In the first minute of the project, JBK$R says he got Hannah a wedding ring, but he asks Cassidy to marry him. Then later he’s flirting with Madison on the song Madi S’nailer. And at the end of The Title Track, he seems pretty fond of Lexie herself. Even if this weren’t contradictory, the audience doesn’t have much of a context for who these people are or why we should care. Get Got has a lot of lines that don’t really relate to a concept or a joke in any way, and most other songs have the same out of place unexplainability to a lesser extent. I have no clue what 30 days and 7 hours means, or what the significance is of a plastic parrot. I couldn’t tell you what he paid Hannah for, Edmonton can’t be in Fillmore County since Alberta doesn’t have counties, I’m not sure what hardwiring a Buick looks like, and the song about Club Penguin seems incredibly out of place. But I think that’s part of the appeal behind Lexie, Hit Me With Your Prius. No two songs are alike in any way. The short nature of each song makes the album very refreshing. When a 15-track album barely crosses 20 minutes, nothing can really overstay its welcome. The chaotic nature of Lexie Hit Me seems all the more intentional when you dive into it, especially with how off the wall some of these lyric choices are. The audience may not know what’s happening, and I don’t think JBK$R does either. That’s why he loves so many different people, that’s why characters pop in and out, that’s why the setting is inconsistent. It’s all very hard to put together, but at it's core, it’s all about him. What it’s saying about him, we aren’t supposed to know. This album is a mystery. And it’s perfect that way.

Wednesday, March 8, 2023

The Mummy Movie Review

The Pharaoh goes shopping at Barnes and Noble.

So I'm at Fosse's house in Cedar Rapids and we watched The Mummy. It's one of his favorites.

A review of The Mummy (1999) starring Brendan Fraser.

Really good animation. Granted, we watched it on Apple TV so it could look better....

Mummy man is super cool. He does a ton of sick tricks. I don't know why he stole the dude's eyes at the beginning though. That doesn't make much sense. But they got the 10 plagues out of order. The river turning to blood is supposed to come BEFORE the locusts.

And are we really surprised that the villain is a stereotypical French guy?

5/10, pretty entertaining watch. 

Monday, February 6, 2023

Mud Movie Review

I'm waiting for it. That Greenlights. I want it.

Devon wanted to watch Mud, so here's my review of Mud (2012) starring Matthew McConaughey.

The kids act like kids in the movie, which is accurate but also they aren't necessarily the most appropriate. McConaughey is awesome as Mud. I wish I were homeless and living in a boat on a deserted island.

It's sad how Ellis put all his stock in Mud as his last hope that love exists. You really hate to see it when that falls apart and he decides love isn't real. So he's just like me frfr


By the way, since Reese Witherspoon is in this movie, Nebraska besties, y'all should go see Legally Blonde The Musical when it comes to Lincoln at the end of the month.

Friday, February 3, 2023


Hurley…. Is…. Really good actually! And really unique! Weezer put in the hours to make this album stand out despite its short production window, and it paid off. Hurley is loud and fuzzy and proud of it. The guitars are weighty and the synths are huge. The lyrics are audacious and Rivers’ newly adopted singing style reflects that perfectly. He’s practically screaming on some of these cuts, and he’s surprisingly able to pull it off convincingly. Rivers sounds like a dude trying to impersonate a nerd, rather than the nerd he is. And the one time he ditches this style for a more somber tone, on the track Unspoken, it ends up being the best song on the album by far. All in all, Hurley is incredibly catchy. Ruling Me, Trainwrecks, Brave New World, and Hang On are all so memorable you’ll catch yourself humming them for the rest of the week. Even the least of these tracks makes a huge impact. Like, even if you can’t stand the drum machine on Smart Girls, its catchiness brings you in. And there really is no excuse for how trashy Time Flies sounds technically, but the melody in itself is so nice it almost comes off as a feature instead of a bug. The deluxe edition CD has some nice bonus tracks too. All My Friends are Insects is a fun little ditty, as is Represent. And how could I go on without mentioning the acoustic cut I Want to Be Something, which acts as a nice breather compared to the intensity of the rest of the record? Hurley Deluxe feels like a real deluxe- it has nice bonuses for those who want it. But if you go for the standard CD instead, you still get a complete and worthwhile experience. Even at their worst, Weezer knows how to make fun, catchy, and memorable tracks. At their best, you get gems like Hurley.


The opening clip is sourced from the video "Fred and Weezer Go To The Moon" by FRED.

The audio of Rivers saying "You're a poopyhead" is sourced from the video "AVGN responds to the Nostalgia Critic!" by Cinemassacre.

The audio of Rivers screaming is the song "Big Enough" from the Kirin J. Callinan album Bravado (2017).

All videos not mentioned above and left without watermarks are from the official Weezer YouTube channel, from official Weezer media such as live DVDs, DVDs included with albums, or recorded by Icystorm 9.

All other sound effects are stock and are used with permission under a creative commons license (I hope).

Friday, January 20, 2023

Titanic Movie Review

The Titanic carries the first shipment of wok to the United States of Poland, under the command of Captain Yachty.

Anna invited me to a Titanic watch party because Kalie and I had never seen it.

A review of Titanic (the James Cameron one).

Movie looks really expensive and has really good visual clarity.

Putting naked people in the movie is a bit cringe, but the preacher on the ship read Revelation 21 (the best chapter in the whole Bible) which kinda made up for it.


If the Titanic sunk today, what song do you think the band would play? "Down With the Ship"? "Break the Ice"? "Ocean Song"?