Friday, October 2, 2015

Sharkbate the Shark and His Obnoxious and Surprisingly Annoying Reviews - Monday Misery (Garfield)

Hey guys, Storm here. Today I review an episode of Garfield that I dislike. No, I hate. No, scratch that, I loathe this episode. Now I don't mind this show. It's not bad. But today I have to talk about what is probably the worst episode of the entire series. And there is an episode where an evil plant tries to eat Garfield and Jon says that Garfield is hurting the plant. Yes, this is worse than that. I will talk about that episode at some point, but now I'm gonna talk about this episode.
So this episode begins with Jon's obnoxiously loud snoring. This is great. We're only 1 second in and I'm already annoyed. The writers obviously have no idea how annoying snoring is and they probably aren't gonna learn, so let's move on. Garfield comes in playing an accordion to the wrong notes (pulling back and forth at the same rate does not match the song playing, with different note lengths, different tones, and stuff like that) because Garfield somehow knows how to play one of those inerrantly. Then Garfield blackmails Jon into making him breakfast because he won't stop playing that awful song if he doesn't make some blueberry pancakes. It also turns out that Garfield has MORE instruments that he should know how to play waiting, just in case Jon actually wants to get a wink of sleep. Then that same annoying terrible song comes on when Jon gets up to go make breakfast. It also turns out that Garfield calls 25-30 pancakes a "short stack", explaining why he weighs at least 3 times as much as a regular cat. Garfield then proceeds to pour a whole coffee jug (the ones you see at the diner) full of syrup onto his pancakes. Jon then states that he has a penpal in Samoa. No context at all. He just comes in and says that he has a penpal in Samoa. This is obviously important because he wouldn't say it for no reason if it wasn't important to the story. Jon then says, "I forgot to tear a page off of my calendar!", a comment to which Garfield replies, "What difference does it matter what day it is?" Jon then tears off a page and it turns out that it's Monday. Monday has a terrible piece of 1 1/2 minute filler (in a 6 1/2 minute episode, lazy) that includes Garfield mauled by heavy crates, safes, and pies. The pie has an onomatopoeia word instead of a sound effect. The onomatopoeia is Splut, making a terrible joke where Garfield has no idea what that is so he gets hit in the face with a cream pie. This joke is funny because of how the character reacts. Maybe they cry. Maybe they get angry and smash thousands of Television sets to release their anger. It's not funny here because Garfield has NO EMOTION WHATSOEVER. He gets hit with the pie and he acts like nothing happened. Also, why is Garfield against Monday? He's a cat. He can do the same thing every day if he feels like it. Earlier IN THIS EPISODE he said, "What difference does it matter what day it is?" Garfield contradicts himself for no reason. He doesn't give a decent reason why he hates Mondays. He just does. He hates Mondays for no reason whatsoever. Great writing, guys! About 30 seconds later, Jon says, "Monday is just a day," which is true. He has no reason to hate Mondays. If the writers know one of the problems in their writing and don't fix it, there's a problem.
Garfield then starts walking around and suddenly a raincloud appears directly above his head and only his head so it rains on Garfield and only Garfield. He tries to hide from the rain. He finds a shed with a sign saying, "Beware of the splut." "What's a splut?" he asks, even though he just had a vision involving that word less than 5 minutes ago. He opens the door and finds a pie heading straight for him. The pie lands on his face. I said it before and I'll say it again, the pied person's reaction is what makes the pie joke funny. If the person has no reaction or emotion caused by the pie, the joke is not going to work. Garfield then walks out into an open pasture and a piano randomly falls on him for no reason at all. Since a piano falling on someone would be painful, nobody finds this funny. Garfield did nothing to deserve this. He did nothing wrong this whole episode besides annoy Jon, but nobody even remembers that because that only happened for like 15 seconds at the beginning. At home, Garfield arrives and finds that Jon is sending his Samoan friend a package. He then says, "I wonder if they have Mondays in Samoa." No crap, they have Mondays in Samoa! Every country on earth except for maybe North Korea or Cuba follows the same units of time. There is not more than one unit of time like there is with measurement. Garfield watches enough TV that he should know this! If he has seen a 14-hour-long documentary on the paperclip, he should have probably seen a clip on TV that says, "Hey kids! Did you know that the whole world uses the same unit of time?" or something along those lines. He then gets in the package without hesitation, without thinking, "Hey, maybe I'll get hurt! Maybe I'll never be able to go home again! Maybe the plane will be shot down by terrorists! Maybe I weigh 40 pounds and with me inside the package wouldn't have enough stamps for me to be able to go anywhere!" At the post office, Garfield is pounded because someone ships an anvil and it happens to come after him in the conveyer belt queue. This is cruel. NUnless its cartoony, no character should have a piano and an anvil fall on them. It's not cartoony in this, so there is no reason for this to happen. When Garfield arrives in Samoa, he finds out that in Samoa, Monday is just beginning. This doesn't make sense because air mail from the United States to Samoa would take probably 12 hours. The post office wouldn't be able to get Garfield from his house in a box to the office to the airport on a plane to Samoa and arrive within 20 hours. Garfield then finds a random building with a note saying "Gorsh" on the door. He asks himself, "What's a Gorsh?" He then opens the door even though he doesn't know what's inside. That's right, he opens the door without knowing what's inside. It could be an angry family that is very strict on privacy. It could be a booby trap. It could be..... a pie. Just like the gag we've had TWICE IN THIS 6 AND 1/2 MINUTE EPISODE ALREADY. It turns out to be a pie. It turns out that Gorsh is Samoan for Splut. Then why didn't it make the sound Splut? The locals obviously speak it if Garfield and the citizens can communicate. Oh, I know! It's because they needed to cram in another joke that we've already seen in this episode! Then the episode ends.

Well that was unpleasant. I hope I never have to do that again. Also, I'm working on a theory about Chowder (or maybe it's already up by the time this is posted, I don't know) so be sure to check out my site again soon in a couple days! Until next time, this is Storm signing out.