I Rank All of Muse's Albums

This is all Miriam's fault.

Matt Bellamy partaking in the Eucharist

 

Animal REVIEW

 When I was young, I had a hard time making out what Kesha’s Animal is supposed to be. What Platonic form this album supposed to fulfill, if you may. I’ve been listening to the first 2 Kesha albums since I was a little kid, and Warrior clicked with me instantly as I dove into it in my room one spring 2016 evening. But Animal was always different. Animal is harsh with loud bleeps and bloops everywhere that almost seem overwhelming when paired with her braggadocious persona. That’s why when I wrote this video originally in summer 2018, I wrote a 5,200 word hit piece against what this album has to offer. Instrumentation was described as, “just electronic beeping noises” with “annoying electronic noises all thrown together at once.” The lyrics are subject to my critique as well, so that I critique TiK ToK for… using poetic imagery? And I clearly dislike a highlight of Kiss N Tell’s identity. I even described the production on the record with this phrase: “This part has enough autotune to be too noticeable, but it doesn’t have enough autotune to be artistic or stylistic, or anything other than a distraction.” And I think today I see the album in a very different light. Albeit a bit dated, Animal is a well-constructed product that’s rife with a unique, appealing sense of character. When I first listened to this as a soundtrack to grade school homework, I went in with the mindset this album was as universal as Warrior was. It isn’t; and that's okay! Animal tends to work best as driving music, or party music. But that isn’t a problem with the art. Albums like Animal are aiming to be really clever with how it meets the needs of those specific scenarios. As it caters to a loud environment, this type of project lives and dies by its character. For this album to do well, it needs to stand out with all boldness and confidence. And I’m happy to report that Animal passes with flying colors. Kesha followed in the tradition of Britney Spears’ Blackout by reveling in modern synth sounds and effects. Instruments like electric guitars are present, but you have to dig if you want to find them. But Kesha never comes off as a mere modernist who uses synths because it’s popular to do in the landscape of the late 2000s. Her character basks in the artificiality of the world she builds for herself. That world is reflected in the sounds of the album. That’s why the guitars are much clearer on serious songs like Blind and Dancing With Tears In My Eyes. This album may be known for its fun party girl songs like Take it Off, Boots N Boys, and Backstabber, but it doesn’t maintain that illusion the whole time. Sometimes a glimmer of reality peaks through. Whether you’re listening to a party song or a sad song, Animal is incredibly attractive. Vocal performances are on point, and production sounds more lush and deep than you might initially anticipate. Take it Off is probably the best example. It builds such a fun, yet grimy atmosphere that’s just about impossible for anyone except Kesha herself to match. When I was a kid, I didn’t appreciate Animal, but now I see it in a new light. Animal is a creative and fun album that goes deeper than the party persona it puts on.

Lexie, Hit Me With Your Prius REVIEW

Lexie, Hit Me With Your Prius may seem at first glance to be another low-effort meme rap project from JBK$R. The more you dig into it, though, the more obvious it becomes that this album is complex and well planned. The biggest thing about this album is that it seems confusing. In the first minute of the project, JBK$R says he got Hannah a wedding ring, but he asks Cassidy to marry him. Then later he’s flirting with Madison on the song Madi S’nailer. And at the end of The Title Track, he seems pretty fond of Lexie herself. Even if this weren’t contradictory, the audience doesn’t have much of a context for who these people are or why we should care. Get Got has a lot of lines that don’t really relate to a concept or a joke in any way, and most other songs have the same out of place unexplainability to a lesser extent. I have no clue what 30 days and 7 hours means, or what the significance is of a plastic parrot. I couldn’t tell you what he paid Hannah for, Edmonton can’t be in Fillmore County since Alberta doesn’t have counties, I’m not sure what hardwiring a Buick looks like, and the song about Club Penguin seems incredibly out of place. But I think that’s part of the appeal behind Lexie, Hit Me With Your Prius. No two songs are alike in any way. The short nature of each song makes the album very refreshing. When a 15-track album barely crosses 20 minutes, nothing can really overstay its welcome. The chaotic nature of Lexie Hit Me seems all the more intentional when you dive into it, especially with how off the wall some of these lyric choices are. The audience may not know what’s happening, and I don’t think JBK$R does either. That’s why he loves so many different people, that’s why characters pop in and out, that’s why the setting is inconsistent. It’s all very hard to put together, but at it's core, it’s all about him. What it’s saying about him, we aren’t supposed to know. This album is a mystery. And it’s perfect that way.

2022 and Bad Cover Art

 I'm not impressed.

Recently Taylor Swift announced her tenth new album, titled Midnights. This concept album features thirteen tracks, each one telling of a sleepless night that Taylor has been through. As one would expect, this announcement build up a lot of excitement in the general public; we are now in the longest gap between Taylor releases since July 2019, after all. And I would be lying if I didn't consider myself excited too. Reputation was more than 5 years ago. Lover was a markable improvement. Folklore and Evermore were two of the best albums of 2020. I want to see how she builds upon her musical growth in a new way.

2020 was a great year for album covers. There were simple beauties- Jay Electronica's A Written Testimony. Charli XCX's How I'm Feeling Now. Lil Wayne's Funeral. Cover art that's mostly white with one big idea that gets across the concept of the album well and looking nice enough to put on your wall. There were covers that took this concept too far, like Childish Gambino's 3.15.20 project, but these simple covers worked well.

Then there were the covers that involved a bit more detail. Lil Uzi Vert's Eternal Atake struck me as beautiful when I first saw it. I love the colors and detail. The same can be said for Denzel Curry's Unlocked, Andrew Jackson Jihad's Good Luck Everybody, HAIM's Women in Music pt. III, Ty Dolla $ign's Featuring Ty Dolla $ign, and plenty more. These covers do a great job of painting a scene that you can look at for a while and still find value in, but they don't neglect to show you the main idea at a glance. 

Above all those, the best album covers of all time came out in 2020. All designed by the legendary Sam Spratt, we have 070 Shake's Modus Vivendi, Logic's No Pressure, and Kid Cudi's Man on the Moon III: The Chosen.

Sam Spratt really knows how to put a piece together to make it pop. Every one of these covers does exactly what it needs to do. Each one perfectly conveys exactly the emotion the album portrays. Each one has beautiful coloring and detail, giving you something to stare at. Each one is lovely enough to mount on your wall. An absolutely stellar set of works by Mr. Sam Spratt. It can't hurt that all these albums are good too.

Nothing in 2022 is hitting anywhere near that. It seems like album art has completely fallen off a cliff in terms of creativity, expression, and general appeal. So let's look at where we left off, on 11 December 2020, right after Man on the Moon III was released.

At the beginning, things were going well. Within a month, Playboi Carti's Whole Lotta Red and especially Weezer's Ok Human both had fantastic cover art. With both of these records, I couldn't imagine a different cover than the one we got. 

We got some terrible rap cover art following that. Donda is literally just a black rectangle. Donda 2 is as well, although it doesn't matter because it only exists on Stem Player. (Imagine paying 200 dollars for the worst album you've ever heard. Couldn't be me!) Certified Lover Boy features a bunch of pregnant women emojis in different colors, designed by Damien Hirst. Drake paid a pretty penny getting Damien to make the most embarrassing cover art I've ever seen. Lil Wayne and Rich The Kid's collaborative Trust Fund Babies album steps up above the Dondas and CLB, but still lacks visual appeal. The colors are lame and the drawing looks like it was made in a few minutes as a rough concept. The stock image of money in the background does not help its case. Quickly done cover art can be nice, but it has to look spontaneous and relevant. Trust Fund Babies is neither.

(Ashnikko's Demidevil gets an honorable mention here for its terrible cover; however the album itself is even worse than the cover.)

Pop music has kinda sorta been better. Not really. Perhaps the most important and celebrated pop album in 2021 was Olivia Rodrigo's SOUR. I really wish it had better packaging because I think this album is very unique. The design we got seems to be imitating Kero Kero Bonito's style from the Intro Bonito - Bonito Generation era. The mood given off is quite the opposite. Bright pastels turn to a faded purple, and a happy Sarah Bonito is replaced with Olivia Rodrigo looking like she doesn't want to be there. The stickers on her face always made me uneasy. Is this album supposed to make you uneasy? It sure doesn't sound like it. The back of the packaging is cool. I like the balloon.

Panic! At The Disco's Viva Las Vengeance looks terrible. It makes me feel as if this album is supposed to remind you of how you will die some day. I would argue this cover implies that day is very near. This is medical equipment packaging with Brendan Urie pictures stapled to it. For some reason.

Even artists that generally have great cover art are suffering. Trust in the Lifeforce of the Deep Mystery was a masterpiece of music and visuals together. The album was great and the front cover was so pretty. A Comet is Coming just put out a new album. Here's the cover art.

So that brings us to the recent announcement of Taylor Swift's Midnights album.

Why does it look like it was made in Office Excel? Which Excel version did she use? 2013? 2016? 365? If she were wise, she'd use Office 2007. I grew up with Office 2007. What a banger of a document processing software bundle.

I hate the gradients. They look like the white part was left in the dirty back window of an old car for a few days. I hate the font- one of the Microsoft Office defaults. Comes free with your copy of Windows 10. And Windows 7. And Windows Vista. And I hate how the photo is just sort of there. Damien Hirst type beat cover art with how lame and embarrassing this looks.

Taylor looks pretty here at least.

Some album covers this year have been good. 070 Shake's You Can't Kill Me looks fantastic. Not as good as Modus Vivendi, but that's a hard bar to reach. Denzel Curry's Melt My Eyez See Your Future gets my #1 pick for the best cover of the year. It looks pretty. I love it.

We are going through a drought. Good cover art isn't as good, and bad cover art is worse. Some day I hope we get more album art that goes hard. We need more Kids See Ghosts. We need more Knife Man. We need more Lexie, Hit Me With Your Prius. Until that day comes, I guess I'll leave with this:

AJR is trash.

Kamikaze REVIEW

 

Uhh, Mr. Nem? You forgot to take your normal pills again.

Every TAYLOR SWIFT Album RANKED

 

The Papercut Chronicles REVIEW

Review: Timbaland - Shock Value

Shock Value as an album hits both the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. Some songs on the album are great and some are poor; It’s a mix. It starts off with some good cuts. Songs like Oh Timbaland, while not lyrically great, have very lush instrumentals. One of Timbaland’s defining qualities is the ability to make a unique sound for each song while still sounding consistent. When this album is good, it does just that. Some of the best beats on this album, like Give It To Me, Kill Yourself, and Time all sound very clean and often are earworms of mine. Often these tracks are good enough to listen to without the vocals, especially Kill Yourself. On the other hand, there are some songs that just sound bad with no excuses. Bounce is the worst song on the album with a poor dirty instrumental and laughable lyrics. Some songs have a mix of good and bad. Songs like Release and One And Only start off with a promising opening, but then they go sour in one way or another. With the case of Release, it’s the repetitiveness, and with One And Only, it’s Fall Out Boy’s hook. The instrumental for Miscommunication sounds good for maybe 2 seconds, and Scream just sounds like a weaker version of what Fire by Kids See Ghosts was trying to do. But I can’t help but praise the effort put into many of these beats. There is a good amount of material on here that I would consider good. It’s just a shame the quality is so inconsistent.