Matt wanted to see it, and I like Spider-Man movies sometimes. A review of Spider-Man: Brand New Day (2026) dir. Destin Daniel Cretton.
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| Do you see the Spider-Man colors in Fantano's outfit? |
I haven't seen the last movie in ages, so maybe this is on me, but I felt lost regarding some of the plot beats here. Who is the lady in the hot tub, and who is Frank? Who are The Hand? I don't remember them from No Way Home. I wonder if it's because I haven't seen any of the MCU movies since No Way Home that I'm missing a ton of context? It probably is, and I think that's really dumb. Imagine if you were watching Star Wars and Indiana Jones came in and started talking about the crystal skull. What is he talking about, and what does it have to do with anything? They only do it to guilt trip me into watching the other movies, but I'm not gonna watch 40 other movies to understand some half-baked characters I don't care about.
I think the hot tub lady contributed very little and could have been cut entirely and very little retooling would be needed. I don't give a narp about her. Frank is so annoying, I got frustrated every time he was on screen. He is so one-dimensional. The movie keeps telling me that he's deep and traumatized by his dead family, but I could not be bothered to care when he's such a meathead and a dunce. Not that I should care, cuz it never matters or is explained. He's the real villain. I don't like his New York accent, or his jokes, or his love of guns. I don't like him at all. Frank is the real villain of the movie.
This movie is very blue.
Peter's personal struggles and his struggles as Spider-Man tie together in an interesting way with the organic webs, but having them already exist in the previous movie really killed a lot of the excitement. And calling attention to it from the previous movie makes it worse. Ruins a lot of the mystery. That's why I don't like multiverse stories. Besides the fact that they are overdone, they cripple a lot of worldbuilding possibilities. Nothing about this world is permanent or consistent anymore, so nothing matters quite so much as it once did. As much as I enjoyed No Way Home, it is not something I have seen after its premiere because its world just doesn't interest me enough to watch again.
I like some things about this movie. I really like the house party scene, how the Tame Impala song fades in and out. It's the soundtrack, but it's also what's playing in the scene. I used the same trick to soundtrack Bernstein (2022) dir. AMG. The soundtrack song played when Bernstein is in Casey's is "Successful" by Ariana Grande, but I edited it to show that the same song is what plays in the store. It sounds like convenience store music, but the lyrics also match how Bernstein feels, having captured his victim. The same trick is used in the butter factory scene with "Little Black Angel" by Death in June. I initially thought using the Tame Impala song for a house party would be a little strange, but as the scene went on, it fit more.
I tolerated a lot of the needle drops for this movie. It can't get any worse than the songs they threw in Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014). I don't know how well they will age, but for now, they are fine. I didn't like that Philip Philips song in TASM2 the day it came out, so at least Brand New Day's needle drops pass the immediate sniff test. Also better than Super Mario Bros Movie.
I always forget there's an X-Men character named Jean Grey, since I don't read or watch X-Men. I only thought of Jean Grae, the rapper. There are a lot of rappers named after Marvel characters, and Jean Grae is another one to add to the list.
I think Jean Grey's character arc and Peter Parker's character arc line up in an interesting way, but I didn't understand how the two fit together until the end. Maybe I'm just dumb, and I should have seen it from the second she appeared. I think the main message they conclude with is really cute and I like it. The third act twist did not surprise me at all, but I thought it was well done. The Z max reveal, or whatever it was, was a good twist.
Peter's arc with MJ really hit me because I know how hard it is to love somebody I cannot be with. It's a universal experience, so I think a lot of people will relate to that part. Wanting to connect with somebody again after a long time, but being unable to for external reasons, really sucks and it is painful. Peter Parker has more self-control than I do. But the girl I like with is prettier than Zendaya, so it evens out.
Was really hoping Peter would grow extra arms like he did in the cartoon. 4/10
